


Debts and Denial: The ~Fantasy~ Costco Fic

by ihathsinned



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: 1000-2000 words, Anal Beads, Bathroom Sex, Bathrooms, Coin Pissing, Crack Treated Seriously, Debt Fucking, Fantasy Costco (The Adventure Zone), Garfield the Deals Warlock is actually a furry, Masturbation in Bathroom, Other, Piss kink, Sexual Fantasy, Slight Voyeurism, Slim Jims, TO CLARIFY THIS IS ALL SAFE AND CONSENSUAL, Voyeurism, Watersports, anal penetration, bathroom denial, but coins used as anal beads, but like spooky fear magic not actually drugs, debt sex, i guess, i think that’s enough for today, i will not guarantee that it is sane, in the way that sex is used to pay off a debt, like idk shrooms but the spiral, michael goes by it/its, oh! I forgot to put the piss tags on, reverse sounding, sex on drugs, slim jim penetration, so i’ve invented a new thing i like to call it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:00:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29132943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihathsinned/pseuds/ihathsinned
Summary: Fantasy Costco is a different place after dark...after all those deals, someone has to balance the checkbook.
Relationships: Michael | The Distortion/Garfield the Deals Warlock
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Debts and Denial: The ~Fantasy~ Costco Fic

**Author's Note:**

> i’d like to give a big thanks to my good friend ziy, who dealt with my nonsense as i wrote this whole shebang. may you never discover anything while reading this...

If you were the average denizen of Faerun, you might as well need that enchanted ball of yarn to navigate the corridors of the Fantasy Costco. After all, the shelves towered to obscene heights, and the arrows on the floor always seemed to lead you in circles. However, Garfield the Deals Warlock would guide you...for a price. Somehow, it always seemed like the labyrinth parted for him.

Today was a wonderful day on the moon base, and the cool stratosphere breeze blew a few stray leaves through the door of the Fantasy Costco as one of the (severely) underpaid employees swept them back out. Garfield glanced over his domain with a smile, it had been a good day for deals, and his pockets were full.

The demons had to be fed, however, because nobody knew what would happen if you didn’t put your share in there, and they feared it. At least, nobody except for Garfield, who tossed a few soda tabs in nonchalantly and strolled back toward the front, attempting to mask his excitement.

“I sure hope you enjoy those! There’s a sucker born every minute!” 

One thing that he failed to notice as he flicked the lights off, though, was that the Fantasy Costco “employees only behind this door” door had changed colors. He knew that something was wrong the instant he stepped through and couldn’t even remember reaching for the handle, the door slamming behind him. He grinned.

The lights were so bright, and he must have gotten turned around, because there was no way that the aisles were this long...right? He roamed around the store for what felt like hours, moving past the beans, the TVs, the haybales of slim jims, but it took quite some time for him to realise that no, he was not alone. 

Garfield called out, hoping that whatever mysterious presence around him would at least reply, but the figure with the distorted hands simply laughed, taunting him and echoing throughout the aisles as he desperately looked around. The anticipation was killing him, an ache as he raced to find the thing.

It seemed like hours of navigating the maze when he saw it again. His paws ached, and his head was sore as well. He had tried to eat, tried to stop and wait for help, but that was only buildup for what he knew was coming. He didn’t know what had to count, but the aisles only seemed to grow longer, and when he tried to use his magics to escape they only left him feeling more drained, so he set off searching.

The laughter echoed again, and Gafield summoned what he was sure was the last of his strength, booking it towards Fuckhands whoever. He skidded to a halt at the customer service counter, where it stood behind the counter. When he squinted at the nametag, the name “Michael” swirled and spun, a dizzying kaleidoscope.

It’s voice was hollow and strange, echoing and still too close at the same time, and Garfield stared.

“How can I help you, sir?”

“I...just want to leave.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible. After all, you have a debt...and we have policies.” The creature winked, it’s smile too sharp for its face (a changeling??) and vanished. 

Garfield cried out in frustration, and every time he blinked it seemed like the aisles shifted in. It was hopeless. The logical side of his brain won out, and he eventually started looking for a break, any break in the monotony of the corridors. His gaze was finally caught by something that made his heart skip a beat. 

A sign, no, multiple signs, hanging off the shelves and pointing to the bathrooms, the first navigational feature he’d seen in this hell. It seemed like his only option at this point, so he continued on. It was getting hotter, and under his heavy cloak he was getting hotter. It was good for the continual blast of air conditioning by the counter, but this exercise perhaps was not a good idea. 

However, a few cans caught Garfield’s eye, so he grabbed one and took a sip. Looking back, that was probably all where it went wrong, drinking the weird magic juice. They always tell you about it in school, but you never really get to experience it in person, huh? 

Not even a minute had passed, and already he knew that something was wrong. Maybe that last can had finally tipped the balance, bringing a thought to his mind that he’d been trying to ignore for what felt like eons. 

He had to pee. 

The heat and the energy drink just made it worse, but he steeled himself. He knew that he had to reach the bathrooms soon. There had to be an ending.

But there wasn’t an ending. Garfield cursed and screamed and pleaded with it, staring at that figure at the end of the corridor. He just wanted a way out, why was it doing this to him? In a perverted sort of way, it seemed like it enjoyed watching his need, his futile panic and fear as he struggled to maintain control of his bladder.

It was too much for him to think about, the drinks and situation weighing heavily on him. His situation was slowly getting worse, so uncomfortably he crossed his legs and closed his eyes. As soon as Garfield did this, though, he heard a crackle of static basic him and a hand on his leg. The contact made him flinch, a jolt of electricity running over his thigh that seemed almost painful in its intensity and went straight to his bladder.

That strange voice came again, like someone was dumping a bag of styrofoam peanuts in a lava lamp. It made Garfield cringe, his eyes squeezing shut harder.

“You have debts to pay, do you not, warlock? Have you heeded my words? Will you do what it takes?”

“I….” Garfield paused. Was he really low enough to beg? He twisted his legs uncomfortably, and came to the conclusion that yes, he was. “Fine. Just...please. I need the bathroom.”

It laughed like nails on a chalkboard, grabbing Garfield’s arm with it’s sickening fingers and guiding him through the maze until they reached the familiar doors. By this point, Garfield was halfway to delirious and furiously ripped open the door. It was wrong though, the stalls didn’t have any sort of toilets and he turned on the figure furiously, but also sort of...excited?

“What kind of trick is this?!”

“Only a small one. Just a little bit longer…” It wouldn’t, he couldn’t, last longer, so Garfield gave into the need, cringing in anticipation of the warm wet soaking his fur but feeling nothing at all.

“Rushing, are we? Fine, if that’s how you want to play it.” The creature - Michael - reached out a finger, stroking a thin line entirely around Garfield’s neck, and something went so, so, wrong.

Garfield felt naked, and his vision was going dark...but it wasn’t going dark, he could still see, he was just inside something that was dark. He tried to feel his face, but couldn’t, his paws touching something that he couldn’t feel the texture of. Had Michael put something on his head? He reached up to pull it off, ignoring the loss of sensation, and pulled off what appeared to be a head. Not just any head though, his head, with large x’s over the eyes. His body was similarly clad in the same orange fur that now seemed garish.

Garfield whirled around, staring at the mirror and realising that it wasn’t him, but a human he saw, and Michael behind that. The shock made him temporarily forget, but he soon came to his senses, trying to let loose again, and feeling...something. It wasn’t liquid, and all that came to mind was “kidney stones?”.

With a monumental effort, he willed himself to keep going, feeling something moving out, but unsure of what it was until he felt relief that was almost orgasmic, and he heard the sound of metal hitting the ground. He stared in shock at the gold coin spinning on the tile, until he felt another, unable to hold back his moan as he felt it emerging, clattering to the ground, and out of the corner of the eye he saw Michael grin as it picked up the coins.

It continued on like this for almost 10 minutes, and every time that Garfield thought it was over, another coin was somehow summoned, and the whole hideous cycle began again. By the 10th, he was writhing on the floor in a mix of pain and pleasure as he felt the coin stretching him.

Michael still observed, saying nothing but picking up the coins as they fell, but Garfield thought he saw it lick its lips.

He focused on the pain, waiting for another coin, and looking down at himself was ashamed to see that his new body was resoundingly hard. Offhandedly, he wondered if that made it better or worse, in terms of coin pissing. As the next coin came, he kept his eyes open, transfixed by the small ridge it made on his length, and on instinct he reached out, slowly working his hand up and down and feeling a rush of arousal when he saw Michael watching him. If he wanted a show…

Garfield made a show of licking his hand, reaching back down and easing the coin out. Then, he had an idea that surprised even him. Why not throw the damn towel in, huh? Making sure that his hand was still slick, he eased the coin into his ass, which unsurprisingly, yielded, given the weird physics in this place. The double fullness caused by both coins was shocking and gorgeous, and Garfield groaned yet again, moving his hand back and stroking himself again, purposefully keeping eye contact with Michael, who seemed to be blushing a rainbow of color. 

He nearly smirked, finally, he had rattled the creature that had trapped him here, but stopped in his tracks when it moved, circling around behind him and removing the coin. Garfield whined at the loss of sensation, grabbing at it’s sharp hand and almost hoping it would retort somehow, , but it pulled away, leaving the bathroom and then returning with something that Garfield didn’t expect. 

Suspiciously, he eyed the slim jim in it's hand, and when he looked up at Michael, it had a question in it's eyes. Garfield nodded, and nearly passed out as it entered him. Mind you, it wasn't large, but there was something electrifying about being so close to Michael. He could feel that static on it's skin as it pushed the slim jim further in, then nearly passed out as it started moving. 

The coins were still coming, but as he felt a pit growing in his stomach, Garfield also felt an edge of worry, wondering what would happen when he finally reached the edge. Would it just get stuck inside him? He decided he didn't care, moving his hand faster and faster until his legs shook, and he writhed on the floor as coins started, quite literally, pouring out of him.

A veritable fountain of wealth, in more ways than one. As his eyes closed, he saw colours that he couldn’t even imagine and the creature beside him chuckled as he stood up, wincing.

“I hope that was satisfactory.”

“Fuck, that one’s gonna hurt tomorrow.”

“I can fix that for you.” The fingers snapped, and Garfield was back in what seemed to be his body, fur and all.

“It even cleans up its own messes.”

“Don’t test me, warlock.” The finger poked him playfully. “Will I see you again tomorrow?”

“Only in your dreams, darling,” he said with a wink, then excusing himself.

As Garfield left the now-empty Fantasy Costco, he grinned to himself. After all, he still had debts to pay.

**Author's Note:**

> why are you here? no, really? what on earth possessed you to read this? I hope you enjoyed, you twisted little demon. if you did, i’d really appreciate a comment and/or kudos, because that good good serotonin keeps the ‘ol brain running.


End file.
